Dirty Facebook Status

  1. People who describe things as “better than sex” are having the wrong kind of sex.
  2. Bitch swear they Baby Smarter than every other Baby.. “My Baby can count to 10” Bitch he’s 18 years old, he supposed to!
  3. You can’t be the top dog if you act like a pussy!
  4. My graduation speech: ‘Fuck You, I fucked you, I’d fuck you, Who the fuck are you?’
  5. You laugh at my job but you sit around collecting welfare from my taxes – nice… glad I can help ya out , asshole.
  6. Fuck everyone who said they were there for me, and then left
  7. Just because a guy is attracted to you physically or enjoys you sexually it doesn’t mean that he wants to commit to you emotionally.
  8. Not all cute guys have girlfriends, most of them have boyfriends…
  9. If you`re texting two people at the same time, you are bitextual.
  10. Touch it gently, put 2 fingers inside, if it’s wide use 3 fingers, make sure it’s wet and rub up and down. Yep that’s how you wash a cup
  11. I’m listening to the voices in my head and I’ve come to realize that they are having more fun than me. I’m gonna go join them for a few drinks.
  12. Whats the worst thing you can do to a blind man? Leave the plunger in the toilet!
  13. Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
  14. Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don’t believe the kids should be given homework.
  15. My mother never understood the irony in calling me a “son-of-a-bitch.
  16. Women and rocks are very much alike … We skip the flat ones.
  17. Hey girl, I’d like to be a part of your next abortion.
  18. Women are like IPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!
  19. Girls dont dress for boys, they dress for themselves. If girls dressed for boys, they’d just walk around naked all the time.
  20. My idea of “friends with benefits” is another one of my friends doing my laundry. What were you people thinking.. I have morals.