Funny Hindi Facebook Status

  1. Neend aati hai to khaab aata hai
    khaab mein ek ladki aati hai,
    ladki ke piche uska baap aata hai
    phir na neend aati hai na khaab aata hai…
  2. Phone Ke Rishte Bhi Bade Ajeeb Hote Hain,
    Balance Rakhkar Bhi Log Ajeeb Hote Hain,
    Khud To Msg Karte Nahi Hain,
    Muft Ke Msg Padhne Ke Kitne Shoqin Hoti Hai…
  3. Phoolo se kya dosti karte ho,
    Phool to murjha jaate hai.
    Agar dosti karni hai to kaanto se karo,
    Kyuki wo chubh kar bhi yaad aate hai…
  4. Koi gham nahi magar dil udas hai,
    Tujh se koi rishta nahi phir bhi ehsaas hai,
    Kehne ko bohut apnay magar tu ek khas hai,
    Zyada emotional na hona uper sub bakwas hai…
  5. Tumhari chhapalon ki design har roz badli hui nazar aati hai,
    Sabhi sandal apne aap mein attractive hain,
    Kya tumhare boyfriend kisi joote ki company ke representative hain…
  6. Ishq me ye anjam paya hai,
    haath pair toote, muh se khoon aya hai
    hospital pahuche to nurse ne farmaya
    BAHARO PHOOL BARSAO KISIKA MEHBOOB AAYA HA
  7. Hum Aaj Bhi Dil Ka Aashiyana Sajane Se Darte Hain,
    Baagon Mein Phool Khilaney Se Darte Hain,
    Hamari Ek Pasand Se Tut Jaayeinge Hazaaro Dil,
    Tabhi Toh Hum Aaj Bhi Girlfriend Bananey Se Darte Hain…
  8. Suna hai wo keh kar gaye hai ke ab to hum,
    Sirf tumhare khawboo main hi aayenge,
    Koi keh de unse ki wo vada kar le hum se,
    zindagi bher ke liye so jayenge…
  9. 5 saal ke bacche ne pyar ki
    paribhasha likhi:-
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    Pyar chaddi mein huyi
    su-su jaisa hota hai,
    jo doosro ko nahi dikhta
    par khud ko feel hota hai…. 😛
  10. Malik: Tum bathroom me kyu ghus aaye, kya tumhe pata nahi tha ki mai naha raha hoon?
    Naukar: Hazur galti ho gayi, mai samjha tha begum sahiba hai.
  11.  Bahu ke ghar aane pe saas ne kaha: Beti, aaj se mujhe Maa aur apne sasur ko Papa kehna.
    Sham ko pati ke aane par biwi boli: Maa bhaiya aa gaye.
  12. Raatan nu nind na aave,
    Dine chain na aava,
    Jad main rab to pucheya rabba ki ehi pyar hai?
    Rab ne muskara ke keha,” Nahi beta, Light de bina Sab da ehi haal hai…!!!!
  13. Ek riksha k piche likha tha ki ‘Sawan ka intazar he’. Piche se ek truck aya aur riksha ko uda dia. Aur uske pichhe likha tha ‘Aya sawan jhoom ke’.
  14. Ek pagal khat likh raha tha,
    Dr. ne poucha kis ko likh rahe ho ?
    Pagal: khud ko.
    Dr: kya likha hai ?
    Pagal: mujhe kya pata !
    Abhi mujhe mila thorri hai:-)
  15. Jab tumhe dekhu my dil start flying,
    Tumse baat karne ko I keep trying,
    Jab tu dur jaye I feel like crying,
    Arre itna mat chad I was just lying…
  16. Boy- Mere sath chalogi
    Girl- kaha?
    Boy-jaha tum kaho.
    Girl-ok ! police station chalte hain.
    Boy-lo batao ab banda apni bahen se mazak bhi nhi kr skta..
  17. Bhai ko Bhai Se Juda Kar Deti Hai “GF”Maa ko Bete Se Juda Kar Deti Hai ”GF”

    Biwi Or Pati Ke Bich Jhagde Paida Kar Deti Hai ”GF”

    Insan ko Duniya Se Juda Kar Deti Hai ”GF”

    Gharon Me Jhagda Paida Kar Deti Hai ”GF”

    “GF” Matlab –
    .
    .
    “Galat Fehmi”
    Girl Friend to Bechari Masum Hoti Hai ! 😀 😛

  18. Mareez Nurse se: paani pilao.
    Nurse: kya pyaas lagi hai..?
    Mareez ghussay se:
    nahi, gala check karna hai
    leak to nahi… 😀
  19. Jab Tum Aaine Ke Paas Jaate Ho
    To Aainaa Kehta Hai Beautiful Beautiful
    Jab tum Aaine Se Door Jaate ho
    Aainaa Kehta Hai April Fool
  20. Ab Jab ghire Baadal, Teri Yaad aayi,
    Jhoom ke barsa Saawan, Teri Yaad aayi,
    Bheega main, lekin phir bhi teri Yaad aayi,
    Kyon na aaye teri yaad?
    Tune jo chatri ab tak nahi lautai…
  21. Gabbar-ye hath muje dede thakur
    Thakur-nai
    In hatho se me dosto ko msgs krta hu
    Yejo is waqt msg padh raha h is ke hath lele
    Ye kabhi msg nai krta
  22. Mat Karo Pyar Kisi Se Phoolon Ki Taraha
    Phool To Pal Mein Murjha Jaate Hain
    Pyar Karo To Karo Kaaton Ki Taraha
    Jo Chubhne Ke Baad Bhi Yaad Aate Hain…
  23. Mama ne nayi swift car li,
    Swift car k peche likhwaya
    “Saawan Ko Aane Do”
    Peche se truck ne thok diya,
    Truck par likha tha
    “aaya saawan jhoom ke”
  24. Chand pe aapka Naam likhnay ko jee chahta hay
    par kya karu……
    Pehli baat to yeh ki mera haath nahi jata hay
    Doosri baat yeh k ye khayal hamesha duphair ko hi Aata hai…
  25. Boy:
    I Love You..Girl:
    Meri Chappal Ka Size Pata Hai Kya??

    Boy:
    Oh ho..
    Propose Kiya Nai Ki Gift Maangna B Shuru….

    Uff Ye Ladkiya!..

  26. achhe kapde pehente ho … aur pure style rakhte ho
    dil me gussa aur face pe smile rakhte ho
    Naak pochhna aata nahi aur hath me mobile rakhte ho!
  27. rz Kiya Hai.
    Zara Gaur Farmaiyye Ga !!
    2 Meel Door Se Agar Ho jaye.
    Kisi beautiful Ladki ka Deedar.
    Waah … Wahh….
  28. .
    2 Meel Door Se Agar Ho jaye..
    Kisi beautiful Ladki ka Deedar.
    To Langda Bhi Aise Bhage Jaise
    KariZma ZMR.

  29. Aap kya jaano hum kitna yaad karte hain,
    maano ya na maano har pal fariyaad karte hain,
    Roz khat likhte hain CARTOON NETWORK ko,
    aur aapko play karne ki maang karte hain?
  30. jab kisi ka bura waqt aata hai,
    to uska pura parivaar aur uske sare dost,
    uske saath khade hote hai,
    yaakeen na ho toh,
    ,
    ,
    ,
    ,
    ,
    kisi ki shaadi ki photo dekh lo….. 😀 😛

  31. Log kehte hain ki khuda ne aapko badi fursat mein banaaya hai … Theek hi kehte hain, faltoo kaam fursat mein hi to kiye jaate hain.
  32. World agar bina girls ke ho jaye to kya hoga?
    ?
    ?
    ?
    ?
    ?
    ?
    galiyan sunsan,
    college viraan,
    duniya pareshaan,
    tanha insaan,
    na jaanu,
    na jaan,
    har taraf bas,
    ,
    ,
    ”JAI HANUMAAN”
  33. Yaad Karte hai tumhe tanhai mein,
    dil dooba hai gamo ki gehrai mein,
    hamein mat dhoonndho duniya ki bhid mein,
    hum milenge tumhe phir kisi,free SMS ki scheme mein
  34. Kabhi ye mat socho tumhare gf/bf ya wife/hubby ne tumhe kitna romantic message bheja hai, sirf yeh socho ke Usko bhi kisine bheja hoga?
  35. Apni mohabat ka izhar karne wala hun,
    chitthi nahi pyar karne wala hun,
    koi haseena to ab ghas dalti hi nahi,
    koi haseena to ab ghas dalti hi nahi,
    isi liye ek budiya se ishq karne wala hun….
  36. Maine tumhe dekha, tumhe follow kiya,
    Tumne mere dil mein jalaaya pyaar ka diya,
    Par tumhare bhaiyya se mera pad gaya paala,
    Par tumhare bhaiyya se mera pad gaya paala…,
    Mujhe usne Clinic All Clear se Dho daala…!
  37. Ek yug tha jab log apne ghar ke dwar pe likhte the: ATITHI DEVO BHAVA
    Phir likha: SHUBH LABH
    Phir likhne lage: U R WELCOME
    Aur ab likhte hain: KUTTON SE SAVDHAN
  38. Exams ke 4 din pehle syllabus dekha to yaad aaya,
    Kuch To Hua Hai Kuch Ho Gaya Hai,
    Exams ke din paper dekh kar yaad aaya,
    Sab Kuch Alag Hai Sab Kuch Naya Hai
  39. Kisi ne ham se pucha cigarette kya hai ?
    Log isse kyon peete hain ?
    .
    Kya ye pyas bhujati hain ?
    .
    Palat kar hamne kaha….
    .
    Dil mein ek bewafa ki tasveer hai….
    Ye dheere dheere us tasveer ko jalati hai…..
  40. 2 Choohey Terrace Pe Bethay The
    Neeche Se Ek Hathi Guzra
    Ek Chooha Hathi Pe Ja Gira
    Dosra Chooha Bola, “Daba De Salay Ko … Me Bhi Araha Hoon”
  41. Dil badal na dena , SIM card ki tarah
    Dosti low mat karna , battery ki tarah
    Pyar kam na karana , balance ki tarah
    Bich me chhod na dena , network ki tarah
    Hamesha mera sath nibhana , charger ki tarah…
  42. Ladka apni dilruba se poochta hai, “Kya pyaar karna paap hai?”
    Ladke ka dost uske kaan mein bolta hai, “Abbey patli gali pakad peeche uska baap hai”
  43. Romio ne Juliet se kaha
    Ek Sach..
    Romio ne Juliet se kaha
    Ek Sach..
    .
    .
    .
    Asli masale sach sach
    MDH…..MDH …! 😛
  44. Iss Duniya Mein Flirts Ki Kami Nahi,
    Ab Suraj Ko Hi Dekho,
    Aata Hai Usha Ke Sath
    Jata Hai Sandhya Ke Sath,
    Sota Hai Nisha Ke Sath,
    Aur Uthta Hai Kiran Ke Sath.
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    Aur Log Kahte Hai Ki Main Hi Flirty Hoon…
  45. Zindgi Me Kabhi Tention Mat Lena
    Bindas Ho K I Love U Kehna

    Agar
    Gulab K Badle Sandal Mile To
    Kehna Pyari Behana Sada Khush Rhana…

  46. The most active person in the world- 1 who invented alarm.The most laziest person in the world- 1 who invented snooze in alarm 😛
  47. Arz kiya hai-
    Jis Bus me Baithi ho Hasinaye,
    Uss Bus ke Shishe Chatak jate hein,
    Driver Chahe jitni Tez Chalay
    kayi Kamine fir bhi Latak jate hein..
  48. Dosti Nibhana Koi Aap Se Sikhe
    Rishte Banna Koi Aap Se Sikhe
    Bahut Tarif Karli
    Ap Aap Ki Sms Ka Paisa Bachane Koi Aap Se Sikhe…
  49. Ek sharabi roz shiv mandir mein matha tekta tha!
    Ek din pujari ne Shivji ki jagah Ganesh ki murti rakhi
    Sharabi aaya, bola “Chhotu! Papa se kehna uncle aaye the”
  50. Arz Kiya Hai…
    Udhar Aap Majabur Baithe Hain.. ..
    Idhar Hum Khamosh Baithe Hain.
    Baat Ho To Kaise Ho..
    Jab Dono Taraf Do Kanjush Baithe Hain…
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Dirty Facebook Status

  1. People who describe things as “better than sex” are having the wrong kind of sex.
  2. Bitch swear they Baby Smarter than every other Baby.. “My Baby can count to 10” Bitch he’s 18 years old, he supposed to!
  3. You can’t be the top dog if you act like a pussy!
  4. My graduation speech: ‘Fuck You, I fucked you, I’d fuck you, Who the fuck are you?’
  5. You laugh at my job but you sit around collecting welfare from my taxes – nice… glad I can help ya out , asshole.
  6. Fuck everyone who said they were there for me, and then left
  7. Just because a guy is attracted to you physically or enjoys you sexually it doesn’t mean that he wants to commit to you emotionally.
  8. Not all cute guys have girlfriends, most of them have boyfriends…
  9. If you`re texting two people at the same time, you are bitextual.
  10. Touch it gently, put 2 fingers inside, if it’s wide use 3 fingers, make sure it’s wet and rub up and down. Yep that’s how you wash a cup
  11. I’m listening to the voices in my head and I’ve come to realize that they are having more fun than me. I’m gonna go join them for a few drinks.
  12. Whats the worst thing you can do to a blind man? Leave the plunger in the toilet!
  13. Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
  14. Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don’t believe the kids should be given homework.
  15. My mother never understood the irony in calling me a “son-of-a-bitch.
  16. Women and rocks are very much alike … We skip the flat ones.
  17. Hey girl, I’d like to be a part of your next abortion.
  18. Women are like IPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!
  19. Girls dont dress for boys, they dress for themselves. If girls dressed for boys, they’d just walk around naked all the time.
  20. My idea of “friends with benefits” is another one of my friends doing my laundry. What were you people thinking.. I have morals.

Funny Tweets

  1. my agent sent me a list of my followers & circled all crude avatars in red ink. if i dont block these people it WILL cost me the Arby’s deal
  2. If there is a God, he created balls and wanted them to look like that, so that’s weird
  3. Password must contain a capital letter, a number, a plot, a protagonist with some character development, and a surprise ending.
  4. People that whip their seats back on airplanes are almost certainly terrible lovers.
  5. i need to get something off my chest *takes off my nipple*
  6. men r from mars , women r frm venus , neither are capable of reproducton or space travel so species dies out [RECALIBRATE SIMULATION?] <Y/N>

Funny FB Status

  1. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me eight times, and you’re Quentin Tarantino.
  2. I was only 7 when I first ran my hands down a woman’s curves. It was a Mrs Buttersworths’ syrup bottle but still.
  3. If “Cops” has taught me anything it’s to stay away from people with blurry faces, they’re nothing but trouble…
  4. Secrets Of Pizza, Pasta,Burger, French Fries:
    “Few moments on your Lips,
    Forever on your Hips.”:p
  5. Fact1: You can not touch
    Your lower lip with your tounge…
    Fact2: After reading this,
    99/100 idiots would try it.
  6. 90% of women don’t like men in pink shirts. Ironically, 90% of men in pink shirts don’t like women.
  7. My boss just said to me “You’ve been late five days this week… do you know what that means?” I certainly do – it’s FRIDAY!
  8. Please don’t say you just had a newborn baby. If you say you just had a baby, the newborn part is assumed. Nobody thinks you just pushed a 12 year old out of your crotch.
  9. Anyone else sit on the toilet and play with their phone until you realized you have been finished 10 minutes ago?
  10. Kim Kardashian is 32&she’s pregnant, but y’all hoes be 16 with 4 kids and no baby daddy. And yall calling her a slut? PLEASE, have a seat.
  11. I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means I’m not the only one asking google stupid questions.
  12. That awkward moment when you’re way more excited than little kids are to watch Finding Dory.
  13. Toilet paper is a perfect example of how “you don’t know what you got ’til it’s gone.”
  14. For every photo a girl posts of herself, there are 27 others in the exact same pose that weren’t quite good enough.
  15.  They say talking to yourself is a sign of mental illness. So I talk to the cat instead.
  16. Love is spending the rest of your life with someone you want to kill and not doing it because you’d miss them.
  17. I’m sick and tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save the environment. I tried it once, and I nearly killed some guy on a bike.
  18. If you text someone to tell them you’re standing outside of their house instead of knocking on the door, then you probably text too much.
  19. I hope I can still remember the dance to Thriller when I become a Zombie.
  20. I was only 7 when I first ran my hands down a woman’s curves. It was a Mrs Buttersworths’ syrup bottle but still.